Since 1975 so many people have been moving to Utah such that Mormons who were once 75 percent of the population are now only accounting for half of it.
so many people have been moving to Utah such that Mormons who were once 75 percent of the population are now only accounting for half of it
many people have been moving to Utah, so Mormons once 75 percent of the population are now accounting for only half
that many people have been moving to Utah, such that the Mormons that were once 75 percent of the population are now accounting for only half of it
many people have been moving to Utah such that the Mormons, who once represented 75 percent of the population, now only account for half
so many people have been moving to Utah that the Mormons, who once represented 75 percent of the population, now account for only half
A. * "so many ... such that" is an incorrect idiom.
the correct idiom is "so ADJ ... that", and is used to emphasize the unusual extent of ADJ. (in this case, ADJ is "many".)
B. * you need commas around the appositive modifier ("once 75 percent of the population").
* "are now accounting for" is bulky and unnecessary (especially vs. "account for" in the other choices).
C. * most obvious problem: you can't use "which" for people.
* the "that" at the beginning is ungrammatical.
* "such that" doesn't make sense.
in fact, i don't think you should pick a sentence with "such that" in one piece. I would be suspicious of any sentence that has "such that" IN ONE PIECE.
"such NOUN that" is a perfectly respectable construction in formal English though.
the ONLY non-awkward, correct sentences i've seen with "such that" are sentences about math or physics (e.g., "choose x and y such that x + y = 10").
D. * same problem with "such that".
* "only" is misplaced. the purpose is to show that 1/2 is a smaller fraction than before, so "only" should be placed directly before "half".
E. correct.
* it's idiomatic "so many ... that"
* and everything else is ok, too.
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